Movies: Red

So I saw Red the other day. I was excited about seeing them. For 3 main reasons... 1) Mary Louise Parker... I used to jerk off to "Weeds" all the time. 2) It looked funny and I always enjoy comedy with my action. 3) Helen Mirren. Going into it I didn't know anything about it. I had never heard of the comic I didn't even think it could have existed. So granted if you are a fan of it you probably think it sucks because of this or that on page 156 of "Graphic Novel Number 32".... That geeky comic stuff gives me gas seriously.... Don't get upset I am a band nerd so its cool. ANYWAYS....

It moves quickly and doesn't really slow down so much though that it almost seems over before you get started. It is funny. I was laughing at all the snappy dialogue as well as the few sight gags. As far as action movies go it is average "Shoot um up" with a laughable comment after the guy blows up. Think "Fifth Element" (another EXCELLENT Bruce Willis Movie.) except not in the future with an older cast.

The cast is another reason I really enjoyed this movie. I am only 26 but I can appreciate every one of these actors abilities within their craft. Hellen Mirren, Morgan Freeman, Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Brian Cox, Richard Dreyfuss... All amazing in there own. With recent flop in my eyes "The Expendables" I was somewhat scared of the cast, but they pulled it off. And they made it funny.

Mary is cute and sexy as she always is. I cant stop staring at her cute face. And her cute tight little petite body, but not skinny. Most short women you see tend to be Skeletor like. Mary though she maintains some meat on her bones and keeps it in proportion to her frame. I will admit I have a thing for pale women even more so petite pale women. I don't know what it is. Call me strange I don't care I like it. So she had me going. Then came Helen.

Helen is not only an amazing actress but she has always been beautiful. I am not to into her early career. Yes she was pretty, but I think she is just so much more beautiful now. She is the almost regal perfect picture of a beautiful women. I love older sexy, confident women and I would do horrible horrible things to her body if given the chance. She would be proper about it too. She would say please and thank you, Call me "honey" and "dear" while I humped her, in that sexy proper accent. And treat me to a cup of tea after I gave her some creamer. and

My only big complaint about this movie one that is unforgivable... Is that there are only scene with Mary and Helen alone. Its in the snow and they are wearing all white. I mean COME ON... how is a guy supposed to masturbate to that. Well apparently it was easier then I thought cause after finding a screencap from the movie my dick was out before I knew it and I was blowing my load for both these beauties while looking at assorted pictures. After, Having a dirty chat about them both on yahoo and smoking a big bowl of my new stash of weed.

All in all go see it because it is good. Enjoy the glimpses of Mary and Helen get worked up. Go home and rub one out. Its good but probably not enough to get you off.